Lately, it seems like everyone wants to escape this beautiful thing called life. I think at one point we have all felt frustrations pull us in the direction of misery. There is so much solace in discomfort. It comes almost too naturally. We are human, raw and unforgiven. We ache so deeply, it’s hard to remember how many choices we have. When we can’t live up to the personas we have built, who are we?

A lot has changed over the past year. Sometimes, time slows down completely. Other times, it goes so fast I’m not sure where I am anymore. In my dreams you told me, “keep going”. I woke up feeling lost, but my feet still put me on the ground. My birthday is your memorial. One day short of a different life. Sometimes, I still think I see you in a crowded room. But I am so much different than I used to be.

As I get older I am becoming at peace with uncertainty. I see the past in nuances and letters. We are pronouns and poems that fill up folders on my desk. I am learning how to be firm, bold, stern, walk away, take a breath, and let it go. I still believe everything happens for a reason, but only we can create the life we want. The big picture never really appealed to me. There’s so much more to time. It’s the first step I take out the door in the morning. The subtle breeze on my fingertips. Hearing a new song for the first time. The lyrics in a hook that can change your life. Static on a car seat parked out on an empty street. The smile emoji. A new adventure. Another year. Another new day.