Growing up you hear about the good guys and the bad guys, Heaven and Hell, what’s right and what’s wrong. I can tell you for certain Hell is a place that exists right here on Earth. The demons aren’t in stories, they are people that tell us the sweetest lies. I have seen someone change into one right before my eyes. I felt my heart being shredded into pulp.
Have you ever had so much anger you don’t know if you’re living in the same reality as everyone else? My therapist told me I should journal about this black mass dwelling inside me. It follows me everywhere like a back-stabbing friend, cozy and kept in a corner of my head, waiting for the right time to ambush. I never thought feeling this much anger was possible. It rushes over like a tsunami destroying everything in its path.
I always thought I could spot a liar. I thought that if I was as kind as possible, giving to a fault, and always put others before me, I would never have to worry about dark deceit. I didn’t know there were people who thrive off pain. That would see my light and want to extinguish it for their own pleasure.
For two years I entered into a reality which was no longer mine. I was captivated by this person who I couldn’t stay away from even when I was given all the signs from the start. The lies began immediately, and I took the bait. Like some spell I was attached to helping this person at all costs, the cost of my friends, family, life, and sanity. I abandoned own wounded spirit in hope I would somehow be healed, and he split open my body like digging nails into a laceration and let me bleed out while still asking for more.
I’m sharing this for two reasons: that maybe getting all of these experiences out into words will alleviate the daily destruction in my head, and hopefully someone reading this will know they are not broken, they are not wrong, they are not beyond saving. I saw the view from rock bottom and hope my experiences can help someone reading this know you are not alone.
Michelle Ketchum 